What Could Possibly Go Wrong...

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1. Jeremy Clarkson WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG …
2. For pity ’s sake, Fritz, please stop fiddling MINI Countryman Cooper S ALL4
3. No nasty surprises in this gooey confection Audi A7 Sportback 3.0 TDI quattro SE
4. Oh yes, take me now, Lady Marmalade Citro "en DS3 Racing
5. It ’s hardly British but learn to haggle Mitsubishi Outlander 2.2 DI-D GX4, 7 seats
6. Try this moose suit for size, Mr Top Gun Saab 9-3 SportWagon Aero TtiD 180PS
7. Titter ye not, it ’s built for the clown about town Nissan Juke 1.6 DIG-T Tekna
8. Those yurt dwellers have got it right Land Rover Freelander 2 eD4 HSE 2WD
9. Little Luigi ’s turbo boost Fiat 500 0.9 TwinAir Lounge
10. I don ’t fancy Helga von Gargoyle… Can’t think why Porsche Panamera 3.6 V6 PDK
11. Damn it, Spock, we can ’t shake off Arthur Daley Jaguar XJ 5.0 Supercharged Supersport LWB 4dr
12. Bruce ’s bonzer duck-billed koala Ford Falcon FPV Boss 335 GT
13. Botox and a bikini wax and I ’m ready to roll Jensen Interceptor S
14. Oh, barman, my pint of pitbull has gone all warm and fluffy Ford Focus Titanium 1.6 Ecoboost
15. Pointless but fun – what a good wheeze Renault Wind Roadster GT Line 1.6 VVT
16. Prepare your moobs for a workout Aston Martin Virage
17. The old duffer trots out in boy-racer colours Skoda Faiba vRS1.4 TSI DSG
18. What ’s the Swedish-Chinese for I can’t see? Volvo V60 T5 R-Design
19. I love you now I ’m all grown up, Helga Porsche 911 GTS
20. Oh, miss, you turn me into a raging despot Mercedes CLS 63 AMG
21. From 0 to 40 winks in the blink of an eye BMW 640i SE convertible
22. Oh, Shrek, squeeze me till it hurts Nissan GT-R
23. A world first – the Ferrari 4 x what for? Ferrari FF
24. Work harder, boy, or it will be you in here VW Jetta 2.0 TDI Sport
25. Too tame for the special flair service Audi RS 3
26. An asthmatic accountant in lumberjack clothing Mazda CX-7
27. Someone please check I haven ’t left my spleen back there BAC Mono
28. I thought it looked humdrum. But wow! Honda Accord Type S
29. You vill never handle zis torture Mercedes-Benz G 350 Bluetec
30. Strip out all the tricks and it ’s still a wizard Audi A6 SE 3.0 TDI
31. Open up them pearly gates … Lamborghini Gallardo LP570-4 Spyder Performante
32. Oh, grunting frump, you looked so fine on the catwalk Jaguar XF 2.2 Diesel Premium Luxury
33. Now we ’re flying Mercedes-Benz SLS Roadster
34. The topless tease luring men to ridicule VW Golf Cabriolet GT
35. I ’m sold, Mrs Beckham – I want your baby Range Rover Evoque Prestige SD4 auto
36. I say, chaps, who needs a fourth wheel? Morgan Three Wheeler
37. Beach beauties love my bucking bronto Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4
38. Hop in, Charles, it ’s a Luddite’s dream Mercedes C 63 AMG coup \e Black Series
39. It ’s no cruiser but it can doggy-paddle Jeep Grand Cherokee 3.0 CRD V6 Overland
40. Uh-oh, some fool ’s hit the panic button Chevrolet Orlando 1.8 LTZ
41. Simply no use for taking the kids to see Granny Audi R8 GT
42. Amazing where bottle tops and string will get you Hyundai i40 1.7 CRDi 136PS Style
43. Bong! I won ’t let you go until you love me BMW M5
44. A heart transplant sexes up Wayne ’s pet moose Bentley Continental GT V8
45. The arms race is over and Vera Lynn has won Aston Martin DBS Carbon Edition
46. Good doggy – let’s give the bark plugs a workout Suzuki Swift Sport 1.6
47. Look what oi got, Farmer Giles: diamant \e wellies Jeep Wrangler 2.8 CRD Sahara Auto 4-door
48. Powered by beetroot, the hand-me-down that keeps Russia rolling Lada Riva
49. The yummiest of ingredients but the souffl \e’s gone flat Porsche 911 Carrera
50. I ran into an EU busybody and didn ’t feel a thing BMW 640d (with M Sport package)
51. Blimey, you ’ve got this mouse to roar, Fritz Volkswagen High Up!
52. Styled for mercenaries. Driven by mummy Ford Kuga 2.0 TDCi Titanium X PowerShift
53. Simply the best, but so bashful buying one is verboten BMW 328i Modern
54. Click away, paparazzi, I ’ve got nice clean Y-fronts Audi A8 3.0 TFSI
55. Get a grip – it’s only a Roller Rolls-Royce Phantom II
56. I know about your frilly knickers, Butch Mercedes SLK 55 AMG
57. Fritz calls it a soft-roader. I call him soft in the head Audi Q3 2.0 TDI quattro SE S tronic
58. Cheer up – Napoleon got shorty shrift too Mini Cooper S roadster
59. That funny noise is just Einstein hiding under the bonnet Ford Focus 1.0 EcoBoost 125PS Titanium
60. Gosh, never thought I ’d dump Kate Moss so fast Citro "en DS5 DSport HDi 160 automatic
61. Squeeze in, Queenie, there ’s space next to Tom Cruise Kia Cee-d ‘2’ 1.6 GDI
62. The wife ’s away, so come check out my electric extremity Mercedes-Benz ML 350 BlueTec 4Matic Sport
63. If I go back to Africa, will you take it away again? Porsche 911 Carrera S cabriolet
64. Oh, Miss Ennis, let ’s sprint to seventh heaven Ferrari 458 Spider
65. Yikes! The plumber ’s van has put a leak in my wallet Citro "en Berlingo
66. Gary the ram raider cracks Fermat ’s last theorem Vauxhall Astra VXR 2.0i Turbo
67. Kiss goodbye to your no-claims  – Mr Fender-bender has a new toy Peugeot 208 1.2 VTi Allure
68. The nip and tuck doesn ’t fool anyone, Grandma Jaguar XKR-S
69. Wuthering werewolves, a beast made for the moors Lexus LFA
70. It ’s certainly cheap… but I can’t find cheerful Skoda Octavia vRS
71. Ooh, it feels good to wear my superhero outfit again Toyota GT86
72. OK, Sister Maria, try tailgating me now Audi S6 4.0 TFSI quattro
73. It ’s Sunday, the sun is out – let’s go commando Ferrari California 30
74. Yo, bruv, check out da Poundland Bentley Chrysler 300C Executive
75. Out with the flower power, in with the toothbrush moustache VW Beetle 1.4 TSI Sport
76. You can keep your schnapps, Heidi  – I’ll have cider with Rosie Mercedes A 250 AMG
77. A real stinker from Silvio, the lav attendant Chrysler Ypsilon
78. Ask nicely and it ’ll probably cook you dinner underwater BMW M135i
79. The pretty panzer parks on Jurgen ’s golf links Volvo V40 D4 SE Nav
80. I ordered a full English but ended up with bubble and squeak Aston Martin Vanquish
81. The cocaine chintz has been kept in check Range Rover Vogue SDV8 4.4L V8 Vogue
82. Thanks, guys, from the heart of my bottom Audi RS 4 Avant 4.2 FSI quattro
83. Just like Anne Boleyn, there ’s no magic with the head off Volkswagen Golf GTI cabriolet 2.0 TSi
84. Come on, caravanners, see if it will tackle the quicksand Hyundai Santa-Fe Premium 7-seat
85. No one can reinvent the wheel quite like you, Fritz VW Golf 1.4 TSI ACT GT
86. Great at a shooting party – for gangsters Mercedes CLS63 AMG Shooting Brake
87. Yippee! It ’s OK to be a Bentley boy again Bentley Continental GT Speed
88. Thrusters on, Iron Man, this ’ll cut through the congestion Audi R8 5.2 FSI quattro S tronic
89. They ’ll be flying off the shelves at Poundland Porsche 911 Carrera 4S
90. So awful I wouldn ’t even give it to my son Alfa Romeo MiTo 875cc TwinAir Distinctive
91. Off to save the planet with my African queen BMW528i Touring SE (1999, T-reg)
92. Oh, I hate the noise you make in ‘wounded cow’ mode Toyota Corolla GX (aka the Auris but GX model not sold in UK)
93. That puts paid to my theory on the ascent of manual Aston Martin Vantage V12 roadster
94. Oh, how you ’ll giggle while strangling that polar bear Ford Fiesta ST 1.6T EcoBoost
95. Another bad dream in a caravan of horrors Honda CR-V 2.2 I-D TEC EX
96. Ooh, you make me go weak at the knees … and the hips and the spine Jaguar F-Type S
97. Mirror, signal, skedaddle – Mr Bump’s been turbocharged Peugeot 208 GTi
98. Not now, Cato – keep turning the egg whisk while I push MG6 Magnette 1.9 DTi-Tech
99. No grid girls, no red trousers  – it’s formula school run Mazda CX-5 2WD SE-L
100. Where does Farmer Giles eat his pork pie? Range Rover Sport SDV6 Autobiography
101. They only make one car. But it ’s a nice colour Porsche Cayman S with PDK
102. Say the magic word and the howling banshee turns sultry sorceress McLaren 12C Spider
103. Take the doors off and put them back on? That ’ll be lb24,000, sir BMW M6 Gran Coup \e
104. Thunderbird and Mustang have gone, so what ’ll we call it, chaps? Vauxhall Adam
105. Ha! They ’ll never catch me now I’m the invisible man VW Golf GTI 2.0 TSI Performance Pack
106. Coo! A baby thunderclap from Merc ’s OMG division Mercedes-Benz A45 AMG
107. From the nation that brought you Le Mans … A tent with wheels Citro "en DS3 cabrio DSport
108. The fun begins once you ’ve arm-wrestled Mary Poppins for control Audi RS 5 cabriolet quattro 4.2 FSI
109. Gliding gently into the parking slot reserved for losers Peugeot 2008
110. Where the hell did they hide the ‘keeping up with Italians’ button? Jaguar F-type
111. Go and play with your flow chart, Comrade Killjoy, while I floor it Audi RS 6 Avant
112. Who lent Scrooge the ninja costume? Lexus IS 300h F Sport
113. Crikey, the Terminator has joined the Carry On team Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG Black Series
114. Grab her lead and forget all about the mess on the floor Alfa Romeo 4C
115. Goodbye, Dino. It ’s the age of the mosquito McLaren P1
116. Watch out, pedestrians, I ’m packing lasers Mercedes-Benz S 500 L AMG Line
117. I can see the mankini peeking out over your waistband BMW 435i M Sport coup \e
118. The crisp-baked crust hides a splodge of soggy dough Kia Pro_Cee ’d GT Tech
119. A menace to cyclists, cars, even low-flying aircraft Audi SQ5 3.0 BiTDI quattro
120. I ’m sorry, Comrade. No Iron Curtain, no deal Dacia Sandero Access 1.2
121. You ’re off by a country mile with this soggy pudding, Subaru Subaru Forester 2.0 Lineartronic XT
122. You can ’t play bumper cars, but the bouncy castle’s brilliant Volvo V40 T5 R-Design Lux
123. Drives on water and raises Lazarus in 4.1 seconds Aston Martin Vanquish Volante
124. Praise for Clarkson:
125. About the Author
126. By the same author
127. THE BEGINNING
128. Copyright
129. MICHAEL JOSEPH
130. Note